Women Archives • The Foster Parenthood

What Do You DO All Day?

November 3, 2015 by Roxanne

“Oh so you stay at home? What do you do all day?”

If you have even a smidgen of a functioning brain, you are smart enough to recognize that isn’t the wisest question to ask a stay at home mom. To clarify, I work from home, and (very part-time) outside of the home as well. In fact, I can’t think of one stay at home mom who doesn’t do something on the side or volunteer work. But nevertheless.

At the same time, when someone asks me what I do, I can’t always come up with a real answer. I KNOW I have accomplished plenty with my time, but it doesn’t always feel that way, am I right?

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I Don’t Have All the Answers, But I Have a Lot of Grace

October 12, 2015 by Roxanne

My generation of mothers is obsessed with getting it right. We read all the books, all the blogs, all the articles, all the studies, all the alls. We stop at nothing to figure it out all.

This is hurting us tremendously and I believe is sending many of us into states of panic, depression and anxiety.

Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t do this. They just didn’t. First of all the internet wasn’t at their fingertips. But also, they just lived. They made mistakes, and we are all better for it.

I don’t have all the answers.

I don’t WANT all the answers. Life is about learning. We learn best from our mistakes. Sure, I want to get it right with my kids. But I won’t. And I can’t. So thank God for grace, because I wouldn’t be the mother I am without it.

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How to Stay Sane as a Parent

October 11, 2015 by Roxanne

This idea & phrase to help stay sane as a parent is a guest post from Kara Carrero.

Malcom X and Mother Teresa. That’s how I describe my two wonderfully vivacious daughters. They are both world changers. One is a spit-fire, while the other is a mellow, gentle soul. Neither do I know how to handle appropriately. The introvert in me needs my space and the “feeling” side of me absorbs too much of the emotion that happens throughout the day. Nevertheless, I have been entrusted with their souls. And their eternal selves are daily shaping and sanctifying and teaching me to stay sane as a parent because there’s a purpose to the madness.

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I Am a Victim of Sexual Abuse and It Was Not My Fault

October 7, 2015 by Roxanne

Rape culture. Victim blaming. I didn’t know these were real things. I can’t comprehend that they actually are.

This post has been stirring in my heart for quite some time, and I know I won’t be able to do it justice, but I must try.

I am a victim of sexual abuse. It was not my fault.

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How to ACTUALLY Help a New Mom

September 20, 2015 by Roxanne

Adding a new child to a family is no small endeavor, and help is almost always appreciated. I say almost always, because not everyone accepts helps easily, or wants it at all.

But it’s normal for people to want to help a family adjust. We want to oooh and ahhhh over the new baby and praise the parents for a job well done. But how to actually help a new mom (or mom with a new baby) can be hard to figure out. There are so many different personality types out there, it’s near impossible to decipher what a mom needs.

Here’s how to actually help a new mom: ASK HER. Don’t assume you know what’s best for her. Ask, and then not only ask, but LISTEN to what she says.

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Embracing My Marriage NOW

September 10, 2015 by Roxanne

I shared this post on our Facebook page the other day. The post is entitled, “To Wives: Before You Were ‘Mommy'”. It’s a really sweet read encouraging moms to remember their first true love and I really did enjoy it, I have nothing negative to say about it. It’s full of wisdom and care and she speaks the gospel truth, it’s a great post.

But over the past few days I haven’t been able to shake something about it that doesn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t quite pin point what until now.

I’m never NOT going to be mommy. For the rest of my life, I will be mommy. That means my husband and I are going to have to learn to adjust to our new normal. We can’t go back to pre-baby life. We can’t go back to the years of dating. But we can make this season as wonderful as those prior. How do we do that?

(photo credit to the amazingly talented Laura Vanderzee)

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How My Husband Changed Motherhood for Me

September 2, 2015 by Roxanne

I’ve only been a true Stay at Home Mom for the last few weeks. And even then, I would still call myself a Work at Home Mom. But nevertheless, I found myself slipping into an awful habit really quickly, and I didn’t even recognize what I was doing.

I know for certain lots of moms battle the same habit, and I hope to encourage you to give yourself some grace by sharing how my husband changed motherhood for me.

Your days are meaningful. The work you do is important. Don’t forget it.

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Letting Dad Learn How to Be Daddy

August 31, 2015 by Roxanne

The minute our sweet little girl was put on my chest, my life was changed. Cliche? Yes. True? Absolutely.

I was immediately a mother. I was one of those who instinctively knew exactly what she needed and was ready to meet that need. I was quickly confident and felt secure in my role as mom. It’s like it was in my bones to care for this child, from the start.

My husband on the other hand, struggled a bit. He was immediately a doting, loving father, no doubt. However he had a harder time figuring out how to address her needs. I would venture to say the majority of dads feel this way.

Something I battled was allowing my husband to find his stride. Because it was instinctual for me, I always wanted to be the one that cared for her when she cried, because I hated the sound of it. Without realizing it, I was damaging my husband’s abilities to become her daddy. I had to back off, give him space and make room for letting dad learn how to be daddy.

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What Does it Mean to Submit?

August 18, 2015 by Roxanne

Submit. Can I be really honest? The word actually makes me cringe a little bit. I like to believe that one day soon enough it won’t. But currently, I have zero good thoughts come into my mind when I hear people talk about biblical submission. I’ve always prided myself on being a feminist, though I may not ascribe to all tenants of the ideal, and submission is a tough pill to swallow.

I would argue my disdain for the word has a lot less to do with what God’s original plan and purpose was for it and a whole lot more to do with the blatant abuse of it.

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Do Gender Roles Even Matter?

August 14, 2015 by Roxanne

Target, I love you. But I’m disappointed in you. Eh, who am I kidding – many of us will still search for good deals on your shelves regardless of what you tout. Nonetheless…

Your recent decision to do away with gender specific labeling of predominately kid items is the symptom of a much greater problem.

When it comes to gender roles/masculinity/femininity, our culture is rapidly becoming one not of the majority vote, but of the minority voice. Not to mention, the minority voice who screams the loudest. The problem with our cultural transition is that it does not solve any real problems, it simply shifts them from one pendulum to the next.

Let me be clear. I do not support gender distinction because it’s a majority posture in America. I believe in gender roles and the specific placing of masculine and feminine characteristics for men and women because God lays it out in scripture.

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