Fatherhood Archives • The Foster Parenthood

Embracing My Marriage NOW

September 10, 2015 by Roxanne

I shared this post on our Facebook page the other day. The post is entitled, “To Wives: Before You Were ‘Mommy'”. It’s a really sweet read encouraging moms to remember their first true love and I really did enjoy it, I have nothing negative to say about it. It’s full of wisdom and care and she speaks the gospel truth, it’s a great post.

But over the past few days I haven’t been able to shake something about it that doesn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t quite pin point what until now.

I’m never NOT going to be mommy. For the rest of my life, I will be mommy. That means my husband and I are going to have to learn to adjust to our new normal. We can’t go back to pre-baby life. We can’t go back to the years of dating. But we can make this season as wonderful as those prior. How do we do that?

(photo credit to the amazingly talented Laura Vanderzee)

…

The Three P’s of Fatherhood: Patience, Persistence and Parenting

September 8, 2015 by Caleb Foster

If you’re like me you discover boundaries by stumbling across them. If this were the method for locating trip wires and land mines in the military you can rest assured there’d be casualties.

I entered parenthood with images of my cape flapping in the winds of success. Has it happened? Actually yes! I’ve accomplished all the things I set out to do. Oh and by the way – pigs fly!

Not a chance in… HELP! I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

…

Letting Dad Learn How to Be Daddy

August 31, 2015 by Roxanne

The minute our sweet little girl was put on my chest, my life was changed. Cliche? Yes. True? Absolutely.

I was immediately a mother. I was one of those who instinctively knew exactly what she needed and was ready to meet that need. I was quickly confident and felt secure in my role as mom. It’s like it was in my bones to care for this child, from the start.

My husband on the other hand, struggled a bit. He was immediately a doting, loving father, no doubt. However he had a harder time figuring out how to address her needs. I would venture to say the majority of dads feel this way.

Something I battled was allowing my husband to find his stride. Because it was instinctual for me, I always wanted to be the one that cared for her when she cried, because I hated the sound of it. Without realizing it, I was damaging my husband’s abilities to become her daddy. I had to back off, give him space and make room for letting dad learn how to be daddy.

…

The Perfect Parent

August 19, 2015 by Caleb Foster

Perfectionism: a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.

I am a perfectionist. This means I settle for nothing less than perfection in every aspect of my life; well most of them. This trickles over into my parenting in good and bad ways. The results of being a perfectionist are annoying at best and life-sucking at worst.

Perfectionism poses an assault against human relationships in so many ways. You may be thinking you do not struggle with this, but so did I. Being the perfect parent isn’t possible, we all recognize it. Here are the 2 main indications that you struggle with perfectionism in parenting and the consequences that flow from them.

…

You Can’t UnLive Your Life

August 9, 2015 by Caleb Foster

“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.” Prov. 6:10-11

Let me be forward from the start. This post is for me. Everything you’re about to read is in some way pertinent to my life, even as the words come out of my fingertips. The tendency when reading or hearing things like this is to assume the author/content originator is somehow above it. Like a law enforcement officer who thinks he can speed for no good reason because no one will write him a ticket. I am not above what I write.

This is an honest glimpse into where I am in my walk as a man, husband and father. These are my tendencies and struggles as well as some of the battles I face. This is me.

(photo credits to the amazingly talented Laura Vanderzee)

…

The Breastfeeding Dadvocate

August 6, 2015 by Caleb Foster

In case you didn’t know, it’s World Breastfeeding Week. It’s probably a rarity for a husband to share his opinion of breastfeeding on social media but here goes. I 100% support and encourage breastfeeding. I also 100% support a family choosing what is best for them. That’s that.

Honestly, before The Lady Foster and I started a family I had no thoughts or stances on cord blood, cesareans, water-births, doulas, placenta encapsulation, natural vs. epidural – let alone breastfeeding. When we were pregnant with our first (and by we I mean my wife) I was the epitome of the uneducated man. “As long as mom and baby are healthy I don’t care if we use a catcher’s mitt to catch the baby when she comes out… a little game of baseball perhaps!”

Roxanne on the other hand was prepared for EVERYTHING. If our daughter had been born in a thunderstorm producing whale-sized hail – a whale storm – she’d have been ready. She was adamant about breastfeeding our children and as soon as Scarlette was born the process began. It was right then and there that I became a breastfeeding dadvocate.

…

No More Daddy Daughter Dates

August 4, 2015 by Caleb Foster

Daddy Daughter Dates. We understand the implication: time well spent between a father and his daughter. I love these moments with my little girl. She and I regularly have “dates”. However, it may not always be a fine dining dinner setting (though occasionally it is). It is more often an early morning run to the grocery store in pajamas where she helps me carry the hand basket from aisle to aisle. Sometimes we go to the park together or to the library for movies and books.

My case is not that dads have dates with their daughters since that seems fairly obvious – dads should absolutely date their daughters. I hope to show you that simple, everyday exchanges between dads and daughters may actually serve her better rather than an outing to a restaurant or a fancy place in the city. Simply put, daddies should not just date their daughters, they should involve them in the circumstances of the day as long she can handle it.

…

Real Men Engage Pt. 3

July 30, 2015 by Caleb Foster

So where were we? Last week we looked at two stories of two men who exemplified victory and defeat (David and Saul). We decided it would be fitting to look at the ultimate battle – the greatest battle ever fought in the history of the world. I’ll say that from the outset, it looked like it ended in defeat.

Before jumping too far ahead let me say a word about defeat from last week’s “hero” David. Even though David won the battle against Goliath he lost many others. He lost battles to lust, pride, power, murder and horrific family dynamics. I am in no way insinuating that we should look to David as the ultimate model for our lives. I think David is a great example for our lives but he is merely a caricature; a smaller picture of a greater manhood exemplified in a greater “David.”

…

Raising Children in a High Tech World…You Can’t Google Wisdom

July 28, 2015 by Caleb Foster

The other day I had a thought about my wife. It was not nice – the thought was: “It’s dumb that you don’t know that”. She was referring to the fact that she didn’t know squash molded. I basically thought she was dumb for not knowing that any vegetable would become moldy if left alone long enough. “How could she not know something so basic?”

And then it hit me. I often think this way when people do not know something that I know – or at least about something I think they should know. Have you ever experienced this in yourself? Why is that? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so quick to label someone as unintelligent or plain “dumb” if there is something they don’t know? More than this, it has become increasingly more apparent that this is a staple posture in our culture, especially among younger generations.

…

Never Wake a Sleeping Dad?

July 24, 2015 by Caleb Foster

This entire blog is about vulnerability. Now is the time for you to learn a bit more about me. I am a madman at night. Hands down – no ifs, ands or buts about it. Jekyll and Hyde, Caleb and Lunatic.

Who in the World is This Guy?

The middle of the night… You know, the time of day when carefree loving fathers turn into raging lunatic werewolves after being roused from sleep. Oh, that’s just me? I call it “good dad/bad dad” time. I particularly struggle with this. During daytime hours I am all about make believe, going to the park, teaching my toddler how to crack eggs, showing my 8 month old son how to bite my ear when we wrestle, etc. That’s me.

But then there’s the version of me that wants to murder someone when I am woken from slumber. I sometimes don’t even remember what I say or do in the middle of the night. Roxanne has come to realize that waking me at night means she may get Caleb the husband or Caleb the Crazy; a mindless animal snarling about the little skin bag that won’t go to sleep in the next room. It’s a problem, I know. I’ve had many a conversation with Jesus about why He allows such apostasy in children, but He never seems to respond – I mean kids act like sleep is akin to the grips of death itself. “What’s wrong with you Lord?! You can fix this kid – so do it.”

…