I Cannot Do it All

Here’s the thing.

I actually want to change the world.

I know how naive that sounds.  I know I should have grown out of this desire once the realities of the world settled into my adult heart.  But I just haven’t.  It burns deep inside of me and I want to make a difference.

Every day that passes and I realize that I have not in fact, changed the world, can become a disappointment.

I cannot do it all.  I can only do what I have been given.  What has been placed in front of me.  And right now, that’s sweet Girl and Boy Foster.

I have two, wonderful, beautiful children whom I am privileged to spend my days caring for.  At almost 3 and almost 1, they are quite needy. I know it won’t be this way forever.  I know they will be able to care for themselves one day, and that I will have more mental energy to do more than just breastfeed and change diapers.  I can logically understand that.  But when the days are long, and I can’t point to a tangible way I have bettered the world, I have a hard time believing those days will come.

I want to read all the best-selling books.
I want to write my own book.
I want to foster.
I want to adopt.
I want to take every single new mom friend a meal and love on their sweet baby.
I want to volunteer at church.
I want to volunteer with the non-profits I love.
I want to mentor.
I want to sit at a mentor’s feet.
I want to be a woman who leads other women.
I want to break bread with my dearest friends.
I want to date my husband.
I want to be an amazing daughter.
I want to sit alone, uninterrupted, and be still and silent.

I want to.  But this isn’t my season.  My season is about these little ones.  And I have to learn how to be OK with not being able to do it all.

I’m not quite there yet.  I still want to do it all.  And I want to do it all really well.

I’ve noticed in my own heart, that because I want to do it all, I’m dividing up my time far too thin.  Am I alone in this?

Here’s my newest challenge.  I will do ONE thing well.  One small thing at a time.  I’m narrowing my focus, and choosing something to really give all of my time and attention to.  This week, it’s really being present.  Putting my phone down, staying off of social media, and embracing the people in front of me.  I’m so guilty of not fully engaging in the moment and I’m missing the wonderful life in front of me because of it.

What is something you could stand to focus completely on this week?  Won’t you join me in being a focused woman?