I’ve only been a true Stay at Home Mom for the last few weeks. And even then, I would still call myself a Work at Home Mom. But nevertheless, I found myself slipping into an awful habit really quickly, and I didn’t even recognize what I was doing.
I know for certain lots of moms battle the same habit, and I hope to encourage you to give yourself some grace by sharing how my husband changed motherhood for me.
Your days are meaningful. The work you do is important. Don’t forget it.
How My Husband Changed Motherhood for Me
Here’s the daily scene: my husband comes home from work, and I immediately word vomit all the high points of my day. The things I had accomplished. “I took the kids to the library and the park…we went to the zoo…I emptied the dishwasher…did two loads of laundry AND was able to get dinner ready.”
I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I was trying to justify my time. I needed to prove my time at home was spent well. I was looking for his stamp of approval on my day.
He always listened, happy to hear how the kids were and what fun things we did. But then one day he said something that has released me from bondage I had not recognized I had fallen victim to.
“You don’t have to qualify your day for me.”
And just like that, I realized my problem.
I don’t have to qualify my day for him. I don’t have to qualify my day for anyone. MOST importantly, I don’t have to qualify my day for myself.
My days are meaningful. I am spending my life pouring into my children. My days have value because my Maker says they have value. And that’s the only approval I need. The problem with living our days for the approval or qualification of others is that we not only seek their approval, we tend to structure our days out of the fear that our daily tasks won’t stand up to their personal standard.
This is enslaving. It robs us of living in the life-giving power of the identity we have through Christ’s love. Under a model that is constantly seeking approval, we outsource our children to the conformity of someone else’s plans for them rather than engaging in the needs of our babies. Living for the approval of man is like working for an identity thief.
Don’t do this.
On a day where I can only provide my husband with low point after low point, I am still a great mother. Even the days that I lose it and scream at them or all of us are crying by the time he gets home, I am still a great mother. My days are still meaningful.
On the days when all he can see is the dishes piled up, the kids watching television and piles upon piles of laundry, I’ll know that I played, and I read to them and I savored our moments together. I’ll know we sang songs in worship and explored our backyard and created memories. My days are still meaningful.
Your days are meaningful, momma. You don’t have to qualify your time to anyone. You don’t need to show a check-list of accomplishments.
You just need to be present.
Give yourself grace.
Keep loving those babies without abandon.