Archives for August 2015

Letting Dad Learn How to Be Daddy

August 31, 2015 by Roxanne

The minute our sweet little girl was put on my chest, my life was changed. Cliche? Yes. True? Absolutely.

I was immediately a mother. I was one of those who instinctively knew exactly what she needed and was ready to meet that need. I was quickly confident and felt secure in my role as mom. It’s like it was in my bones to care for this child, from the start.

My husband on the other hand, struggled a bit. He was immediately a doting, loving father, no doubt. However he had a harder time figuring out how to address her needs. I would venture to say the majority of dads feel this way.

Something I battled was allowing my husband to find his stride. Because it was instinctual for me, I always wanted to be the one that cared for her when she cried, because I hated the sound of it. Without realizing it, I was damaging my husband’s abilities to become her daddy. I had to back off, give him space and make room for letting dad learn how to be daddy.

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Empowering your Creative Child

August 28, 2015 by Caleb Foster

You know that feeling when you think you’re completely alone and then it hits you…that eerie gut-knowledge that someone saw it. Oh yeah – that feeling where your stomach instantly knots up and adrenaline and shame shoots through your entire body.

Nothing is worse. The first time it happened was shortly after Roxanne and I were married; I’d say within a couple weeks. She was in the living room – I was in our bedroom closet supposedly hanging up clothes. I was certain she’d never find out.

And then, right as I reached for the hanger bar to hang up a shirt, she was right behind. She’d witnessed it all. There was no hiding it any longer. She walked in and I was caught in the act.

I was a closet… Elmo voice-over pretender! Dun, dun, dun!!!

“What the heck are you doing?” “Uh, nothing – hanging up my clothes. Aren’t you supposed to be making dinner?!” “Well I was until I heard you talking back here. Who are you talking to?” “Umm.. uh, no one. I was – you know – talking like Elmo while I hung my clothes. Don’t judge me!”

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What Nine Months of Fostering Looks Like

August 25, 2015 by Roxanne

Hi Friends!

Today I’m so excited to showcase my friend Emily Wierenga’s upcoming new book, Making It Home: Finding My Way To Peace, Identity and Purpose. You know we love the world of foster care and have a huge heart for it. Emily has walked the walk and has a plethora of helpful information to share. Read more about her journey, and all about her upcoming book below! Oh – and buy it!

Affiliate links are included for your convenience. Thanks for supporting our family through your purchases.

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Nurturing the Sibling Relationship

August 23, 2015 by Roxanne

As the birth of our second child seemed to be approaching faster than I was ready for, I found myself flooded with worry and fear about my children’s relationship. Would my daughter and son love each other? Would they have a strong relationship? How on earth would I help develop that in them? What is my role in shaping their friendship?

What we learn from interacting with our siblings shapes the kind of person we become. We learn about sharing, love, kindness, difficult times, disagreements and everything in between. These two will learn more from each other and their friendship than I could ever teach them. I believe how we as parents encourage their bond should be one of our highest priorities.

I had done all I could in preparing my toddler for the new baby, but I was unsure how to develop and foster love for their sibling relationship. We’re not very far into this endeavor, but I’ve learned a few really important things I’d like to pass on about nurturing the sibling relationship.

Photo credits to the always talented, Laura Vanderzee.

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The Perfect Parent

August 19, 2015 by Caleb Foster

Perfectionism: a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.

I am a perfectionist. This means I settle for nothing less than perfection in every aspect of my life; well most of them. This trickles over into my parenting in good and bad ways. The results of being a perfectionist are annoying at best and life-sucking at worst.

Perfectionism poses an assault against human relationships in so many ways. You may be thinking you do not struggle with this, but so did I. Being the perfect parent isn’t possible, we all recognize it. Here are the 2 main indications that you struggle with perfectionism in parenting and the consequences that flow from them.

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What Does it Mean to Submit?

August 18, 2015 by Roxanne

Submit. Can I be really honest? The word actually makes me cringe a little bit. I like to believe that one day soon enough it won’t. But currently, I have zero good thoughts come into my mind when I hear people talk about biblical submission. I’ve always prided myself on being a feminist, though I may not ascribe to all tenants of the ideal, and submission is a tough pill to swallow.

I would argue my disdain for the word has a lot less to do with what God’s original plan and purpose was for it and a whole lot more to do with the blatant abuse of it.

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Do Gender Roles Even Matter?

August 14, 2015 by Roxanne

Target, I love you. But I’m disappointed in you. Eh, who am I kidding – many of us will still search for good deals on your shelves regardless of what you tout. Nonetheless…

Your recent decision to do away with gender specific labeling of predominately kid items is the symptom of a much greater problem.

When it comes to gender roles/masculinity/femininity, our culture is rapidly becoming one not of the majority vote, but of the minority voice. Not to mention, the minority voice who screams the loudest. The problem with our cultural transition is that it does not solve any real problems, it simply shifts them from one pendulum to the next.

Let me be clear. I do not support gender distinction because it’s a majority posture in America. I believe in gender roles and the specific placing of masculine and feminine characteristics for men and women because God lays it out in scripture.

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Keep Your Opinion to Yourself

August 13, 2015 by Roxanne

Turns out, people have a LOT of opinions on how I raise my children. I know, I know, that’s super confusing for me too! I mean, they are MY children right? I birthed them, I paid all the hospital bills, I bathe them, I feed them, I provide them a safe place to live, I nurture them and I love them. But when it comes to how to raise them, I’m expected to look to popular opinion.

Honestly, I’m a little tired of it. And I think we all need the reminder to keep your opinion to yourself.

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Where Is Your Faith?

August 12, 2015 by Caleb Foster

Serenity is not the absence of chaos – it’s the abundance of Christ in the midst of chaos.

Personal peace is a highly desired commodity these days. As a matter of fact we try to control and fabricate our own sense of peace when we feel we experience a personal power loss.

Take thunderstorms for example. Their power is captivating, beautiful and sometimes intimidating. The thunder, the rain, the wind and lightning are reminders that a power greater than us is in control. In Oklahoma we often see thunderstorms lead to tornadoes and flash floods. Because of this many of us have storm shelters. The shelters don’t stop the storm, they provide serenity in the midst of it. This is one of the ways we fabricate control, in some sense, during a storm (and a good way I might add).

But then there are simply things about a storm we cannot control. Call me archaic, but I love when a storm kills power to the house. There’s something connecting about candles, story-telling and simple conversation with loved ones when we lose power in a storm – I love it.

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The Beauty of Motherhood: The Mom Quilt

August 10, 2015 by Roxanne

There’s nothing quite like it. Knowing these little souls were given to you, and only you, to care for. Our job is mighty. We are their comfort, their life source, their teacher, their caregiver, their guide. The task often seems impossible. But we put on our best smile and we do it even when we feel like we’re failing and hurting inside. All of our stories are woven together, with the common thread being love.

That’s the Beauty of Motherhood. That’s The Mom Quilt.

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